Cemil was in a battle without honour or humanity...

Versus hayfever. That scourge that so rarely affects me bombarded me for this entire week. I've barely gotten out of my room the pollen was so bad. You might have had occasion to see me during the week being absolutely demolished by it. I've never had a reaction that bad. The thing is that I've only ever had hayfever three times in my very life. Weird huh?

Maybe I'm just getting old. Man, what can you do?

So anyway, I've been demolished all week by this bastard of a thing but now the rains have come I'm feeling a lot better.

Cemil has exploded...

That's the only real word for it. I've absolutely just imploded these last couple of weeks. I hit the wall recently on this great big editing assignment, had my brain explode and from there have just been trying to put it all back together again.

I have been mildly successful to be honest. I've done great things with my writing this year and although I haven't gotten the word count that I would have liked, I've reached some pretty good places with my craft. It makes me happy. But it's become pretty clear to me that I don't just want to, but I need to get so much better. But I've accomplished so much:

I'm working a job next week 9-5 monday, tuesday, thursday, friday for a week and a half inside an actual publishing house for an hour and a half. I've finally made a brief, but my all important first paid mark in the industry. This is such a big huge deal for me that I'm really happy. I've accomplished just about every goal that I've set myself for this year and it makes me so happy.

I've really struggled in the past to find something I really care about that I've been able to do so well in. My huge problem is that I'm never happy with anything I do and stress the hell out of myself because I want it so bad. And I honestly think I'm quite shit at it - it's nice to know, that y'know... I ain't half bad at this gig.

Now I just need to kick my ass back into gear. TALLY HO!