So its not fun to be me right now. What do I have to complain about? Well not much you'd think and I actually genuinely dislike complaining. I hate it. I hate doing it, I hate listening to people doing it, but I learned a long time ago that if you keep this stuff bottled up in you then you're just going to end up some kind of wreck. A bitter emotional wreck. That's two kinds of wrecks, with adverbs!
So this is why my life sucks. I work a job (which is awesome!) that makes me get up at 5 am (less awesome) and I start at 7. And then I have to do overtime most nights till 5 pm. So I've got money and a livelihood, not a big deal right? The thing that sucks about that is that I'm genuinely very tired when I get home. Tired and disinclined to write when all I want to do is just chill out.
So where do things really start to suck? I've got acid reflux. Its painful, its taking over my whole life and it invariably makes me feel sick and very genuinely unwell half the day, every day. And it sucks. It robs me of the energy and the desire to do anything besides just relax and try to keep my sanity.
And I'm kind of failing. And I don't like it, because if there's something I like less than complaining? Its failing.
But at least I'm listening to Daft Punk! :D
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Cemil is feeling human again
For the first time in 2011 I finally feel not sick as a dog. It's been a long trying four months and I'm sick of feeling sick. I think I've finally cracked what's wrong with me: I've become lactose intolerant. So we've got some soy milk and that's pretty all right, but of course, I can't wave that flag till after I get the proper testing.
So right now I'm surviving on Yakults, soy milk and these tablets called Nexium. Stomach problems run in my family, so it seems I've inherited the family disease. Alas, I'm only 26! But anyway. I'm very fortunate to have the friends I do. I spent a very lazy easter reminiscing with my very good friends Matt and Ben.
As younger men we never really fit into any kind of mould: we were ridiculous pranksters who got up to all kinds of (illegal) shenanigans, we were avid gamers who spent weekends chilling out with snacks, junk food and all kinds of crap and we'd pick a game and smash it out in a weekend. And Matt, Pat and I could be amazing party animals smashing it out at the Lounge, heading to Sorry Grandmas and partying to godless hours of the early mornings and not getting to sleep till 9 the next day.
But we outgrew that stuff. Most of it. I played Final Fantasy 13 with my friends that thursday and friday, chilled out with more of my friends and saw Thor on Saturday and now today I rested. Then I'm heading out for an ANZAC day BBQ and to watch the game (Carn the Pies!).
I'll admit that in my private moments I can fall into some horrendously black moods and depressions. And after four months of feeling like dog crap? I hit the bottom real hard. Seeing my friends and just hanging out just pulled me out of the pits like it always does. AND I was even more fortunate to receive Katy's writing tips via SMS following a hilarious conversation over the phone.
Who has time to feel bad with friends like these? :)
So right now I'm surviving on Yakults, soy milk and these tablets called Nexium. Stomach problems run in my family, so it seems I've inherited the family disease. Alas, I'm only 26! But anyway. I'm very fortunate to have the friends I do. I spent a very lazy easter reminiscing with my very good friends Matt and Ben.
As younger men we never really fit into any kind of mould: we were ridiculous pranksters who got up to all kinds of (illegal) shenanigans, we were avid gamers who spent weekends chilling out with snacks, junk food and all kinds of crap and we'd pick a game and smash it out in a weekend. And Matt, Pat and I could be amazing party animals smashing it out at the Lounge, heading to Sorry Grandmas and partying to godless hours of the early mornings and not getting to sleep till 9 the next day.
But we outgrew that stuff. Most of it. I played Final Fantasy 13 with my friends that thursday and friday, chilled out with more of my friends and saw Thor on Saturday and now today I rested. Then I'm heading out for an ANZAC day BBQ and to watch the game (Carn the Pies!).
I'll admit that in my private moments I can fall into some horrendously black moods and depressions. And after four months of feeling like dog crap? I hit the bottom real hard. Seeing my friends and just hanging out just pulled me out of the pits like it always does. AND I was even more fortunate to receive Katy's writing tips via SMS following a hilarious conversation over the phone.
Who has time to feel bad with friends like these? :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
So I've been quiet for a while...
I should feel very accomplished right now. As a writer and an editor.
I have a position coming up with Hinkler books for a week and a bit, not terribly momentous all told but it's an exciting position in terms of paid employment inside a publishing house, and a part-time internship with Ford Street publishing starting on friday.
I have a big project for an online game (on my own time and completely unrelated to basically anything beyond my own satisfaction) that is soon to be completed. Then I am planning on finally finishing this novel by June, and then I'm writing a script for an online animation that my friends in Canada are working on.
I've done very well for myself in a short space of time. I've volunteered my own time in a way that is going to help develop myself as a writer and an editor. Yet it somehow doesn't feel like enough.
It's a bad thing that I think this way. It's my very blue collar showing up. Nothing is ever good enough and I have to do better. It's a paralysing way to operate. I should feel very proud of myself, satisfied even, but all I can mentally do is put myself at the start of another road to walk.
Ah well, at least I'm getting somewhere.
I have a position coming up with Hinkler books for a week and a bit, not terribly momentous all told but it's an exciting position in terms of paid employment inside a publishing house, and a part-time internship with Ford Street publishing starting on friday.
I have a big project for an online game (on my own time and completely unrelated to basically anything beyond my own satisfaction) that is soon to be completed. Then I am planning on finally finishing this novel by June, and then I'm writing a script for an online animation that my friends in Canada are working on.
I've done very well for myself in a short space of time. I've volunteered my own time in a way that is going to help develop myself as a writer and an editor. Yet it somehow doesn't feel like enough.
It's a bad thing that I think this way. It's my very blue collar showing up. Nothing is ever good enough and I have to do better. It's a paralysing way to operate. I should feel very proud of myself, satisfied even, but all I can mentally do is put myself at the start of another road to walk.
Ah well, at least I'm getting somewhere.
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